I don’t know how else i’m going to go about this so i’ll dive right into it …
Normally, i’d review a movie for you folks … give you the synopsis … info on the cast
…and cap it off with my take on whether it’s good or not .. and worth your hard earned
dollars and the time out of your day to see it.
In this case though, the movie was so freaking bad and I mean BAD! I don’t even think
the crew from ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’ would even consider touching it if the show
was still on the air. I’m guessing that the cast and crew of the movie were a part of it
due to contractual obligations, extortion, and desperation or a combination of all three.
Regardless, it did NOT pay off for them.
JACKHAMMER was released on September 2 and and stars Guy Christie, Michael Hanus, Silvana
Azurdia, Jason Burkart, Nicole Sullivan, Rob Wells, and Julian Paul with cameos from
Jamie Kennedy and Pamela Anderson. Written and directed also by Michael Hanus, JACKHAMMER was
touted as a 90 minute adventure/comedy/drama about a struggling actor (Christie) whom
after totally screwing up and totally blowing his audition with a high-powered casting
director (Kennedy) gets dragged into the seedy world of male stripping, and at times escort
work, by his over-the-top, egotistical, and aspiring rapper step-brother(Hanus).
I’m really trying to be objective and write this in such a way that doesn’t completely
destroy the movie. Unfortunately, the movie did that all on it’s own. I don’t know if they
were trying to make it SO bad it would be considered funny or not, but they went so far
beyond that that there was NO WAY it could be funny. The acting was so far over the top,
not to mention the filming, and “special effects” … the intro alone looked like the
beginning credits to a whole other film. I couldn’t even watch the whole movie. The
script and the script sounded like something that was compiled by someone trying
to rip off various scripts from Cheech & Chong movies but in such a way as to NOT get
caught at it. I stopped 3/4ths of the way through. You feel nothing for the characters or
the situations they find themselves in and none of them have any redeeming qualities whatsoever.
The soundtrack itself is so bad you want to force wine corks in your ears to drown it out.
I don’t know who financed this film but they must’ve been reading another script and got
the signatures mixed-up. I don’t think i’m allowed to give this film a zero rating so
i’ll give it a quarter of a star out of 5 stars. Seriously, do NOT watch this film.
It’s 90 minutes of awkwardness that you don’t want to experience.
Anyways, that’s it … i’m done with this one. One behalf of my fellows at ‘Skewed & Reiewed’
thanks for reading, an i’ll see you out the movies. I think this time, I can promise that the
next film will be FAR superior.
